When marriage isn't fun.....

Many couples get to a place where they are not having fun.  Bills, mortgages, kids and work seem to become who we are.  We become human doings instead of human beings.  'We've lost each other,' one couple said.  So how do you rediscover the spark you had when you first met.   To begin with PLAY.  Don't go to the movies, watch T.V. or hang out with friends.  Instead play!!!  Book a badminton court, play hide and go seek, or get the ball gloves out and play catch.  You see children are wonderful teachers for those of us who are married.  We need to play, laugh and exercise.  It works miracles.  Couples who play regularly often find themselves chatting, joking and generally enjoying each other more than they have for quite some time.  TJS

Marriage and Family Therapy

In my marriage I am often surprised at what it takes to make things work.  We lose our focus and concentrate on the many things external in our lives: shopping, vacations, work, retirement and buying bigger houses!  When we do this we become human doings instead of human beings.  Find ways to laugh together, to play together and focus on what you have right now in the moment.   TJS

The Gestalt Prayer

In marriage and family therapy we discover that we have false expectations of each other.  We expect other people to act as we would.  This is a lie.  We are different and we do not see the world the same way.  Although we need to work together we must also understand that our differences are our strengths.  TJS


I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)

Marriage

"Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage."

-Sydney J. Harris

 
Most of the clients I see expect their marriages to work instead of expecting to build their marriages.  Marriage is a contract for a lifetime of hard work!  You may start with love, lust and passion but what keeps relationships going is adaptability, communication and hard work.  Talk, plan, laugh, play and most importantly listen.  Don't hesitate to call a good marriage and family counsellor to develop a program of personal marriage growth.  TJS

How often should you have sex? Leave a comment!!!

I have been a marriage and family therapist for years. I have also done hundreds of hours of pre-marital counselling and I still don't have the answer!!! I have been asked the question a thousand times; how often should we have sex? Well first of all let's assume you have a healthy safe and consensual relationship. That must be the starting point. Second, sex is one of our natural and healthy human drives. Sex should be fun, caring and creative. Be sensitive to your partners history, feelings and questions. Listen and try to understand each other then have fun.

Below this blog is a comment button---push it and leave your opinion. I have clients who are sad because they never have sex, I have some couples who have sex twice a year and I have clients that have sex five times each week. Clinically the only correct answer is that healthy sex is necessary for a healthy marriage. I recommend three times each week. Again, it must be consensual and should include ideas, opinions and thoughtful caring from both of the parties involved. You should also have fun. Sex in a committed caring relationship is wonderful. Leave a comment and share your opinion. How often do you have sex?

Sojonky Counselling Services

Sojonky Counselling Services is a professional practice operating out of Regina Saskatchewan, Canada. Todd offers individual and group counselling, marriage and family therapy and is well known for motivational presentations and workshops.

Todd has worked extensively with younger children, youth and families. He has been a part of a support network for those struggling with eating disorders and other addictions.

Todd teaches sessionally in the areas of ethics, counselling methods, psychology and evaluation and assessment.

For appointments add a comment with your details.