When Mother’s Day Isn’t Good…

Its mother’s day soon.  They sell a lot of flowers, buffet brunches and hallmark cards.  The commercialization never suited me much.  The cliche goes everyday should be mother’s day or at least you should be thankful you have one.  But truth be known all mothers aren’t good; some are drunks, others just mean and some abandon their kids.  So mother’s day may mean something different to many of you.

For me, well, my mom’s dead.  Five years ago and much too young.  Some days it makes me mad.  It just felt like she gave up on life.  My brother had died four months earlier and she just didn’t recover.  She died of a broken heart.  So for me mother’s day is a long walk in the country wandering with memories and wishing for one more chance to cook her supper and talk about recipes. 

On mother’s day if mom was good enjoy the celebration.  If mom was bad take time for healing and gentle kindness.  Or if like me your mom is dead and you miss her… well enjoy a walk and have a chat along the way.      –Dr. T.S.

The Mixed Emotions of Mothers Day

It has become an economic success.  Flowers, gifts, dinners and cards.  Please don't get me wrong all of that is fine, but for many people Mothers Day is so much more.  Many of you had wonderful mothers who cared for you and made your life special and we celebrate them, but for some it is a difficult reminder of a mother who was not so kind or a mother who had to give them up for adoption.  These are difficult realities that make today a day of contemplation and for some a day of longing.  Three years have past since my mother died much too early.  For me Mothers Day is a long walk by myself, the wind, the prairie and my dogs.   I listen for Mom and just as the wind moves gently by so too do the memories of Her and how she touched my life.  So today however you experienced Mom, I hope you can take the time to pause and reflect on the power of relationship and connection; to find meaning in the people who move through your life.   Peace. TJS

Mothers Day

So the day has past. My first mothers day without a mom. I cooked. The top sirloin on charcoil was brilliant, the oven roasted red potatoes with garlic and onions were wonderful and the broccoli with toasted cashews was splendid. It was the first time without mom. It is a change of perspective. You have to thrive and survive, live like crazy and celebrate life but without mom it seems to have intensified. I want to live more fully. You can't go backwards. So today love the good you have. Build on it. Find good advice and plan for a future that loves, grows and celebrates life.

My neighbour at the beach is 86 and tonight he was on his deck overlooking the lake bbqing a steak. He was planning on it's tenderness. What a wonderful perspective! The goodness of life creeps in when we least expect it. In planning a good steak. It simply made me smile. Wherever you are cook a steak, love a neighbour and celebrate those you know.

When mom is gone........

This is it. My first mothers day without a mom. I am certain that many of the readers have been there before me but this weekend it is my turn and I don't like it. Sure our mothers are not always kind, loving and caring. I am sorry if your experience was that way. And if it was, don't deal with the feelings alone. Find someone to talk to. Associations of psychology have listings of good people or simply talk to a friend, write your feelings down and reach out for help.

My mom was sick a lot of the time but she was a good mom. She gave me five bucks when dad wouldn't and she loved people. She cooked beautiful meals and invited new neighbours into our home to eat and talk. But this weekend will be odd. Mom is dead. She was too young to die and she was too good to talk to. It makes me think of how I live. It makes me think of the gift of life. The moments in time are so important and yet I take them for granted. Wasting time. So this weekend I am planning a feast. I will slow cook a roast beef on charcoal, bake some red potato fries and make broccoli with olive oil and toasted cashews. Mom liked them that way. I will invite my uncle and aunt and my dad and we will eat and laugh and tell stories. Stories of my mom. That will be mothers day. There is an ancient middle eastern proverb that says, "the bitter and the sweet walk hand in hand." This mothers day I hope you can find some sweet and celebrate your mom.