How to prevent toddler temper tantrums

Releasing Anger

If you give yourself permission to feel and release your anger in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or others, you’ll have much more life force and energy available for love, creativity, and joy. It’s helpful to actually write out your responses in a journal or on a piece of paper.

Step 1: Get in touch with your anger. Witness your agitated internal dialog or mind chatter and feel the sensations in your body. This very act will allow your feelings to fade. Suppressing or pushing down your anger, on the other hand, simply causes you resentment to grow.

Step 2: Identify the nature of your anger. Who are you angry with? A friend? A spouse or other family member? A co-worker? People are often angry at God for the tragedy, illnesses, and deaths that happen in the world. Or you might be angry at yourself for something you’ve done―or for not doing something you think you should have.

Step 3: Now ask yourself: “What am I anxious or fearful about that causes me to react in anger? What need do I have that isn’t being met and is causing me to feel fearful and angry? How might I act to fulfill that need? (If you’d like to learn effective communication skills for requesting what you need, we recommend Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication.

Step 4: Take some action to express and release the anger: throw stones at the ocean, use a plastic bat to pound a pillow, dance in a screaming frenzy. Physical activity is an extremely powerful way to let go of anger and stress, and we encourage you to find a regular physical outlet, such as swimming, dancing, yoga, cycling, or even just brisk walking.   

-----Deepak Chopra,  Anger Release Center

Unhealthy Anger

Sometimes when I get angry I am not aware of why?  Anger sneaks up on me and comes out in ways that harm those I love.  After, I follow it home and examine where it came from and why it lived so loud.  Jack Kornfield has some wonderful words which offer clarity in regard to where our anger comes from.  TJS.

"Like pain, fear is the other common predecessor to anger and hate---fear and loss, of hurt, of embarrassment, of shame, of weakness, of not knowing.  When fear arises, anger and aversion function as strategies to help us feel safe, to declare our strength and security.  In fact, we actually feel insecure and vulnerable, but we cover this fear and vulnerability with anger and aggression.  "   ---Jack Kornfield, The Wise Heart

Seven Deadly Habits

Punishing, Complaining, Blaiming, Threatening, Nagging, Criticizing, Bribing!!!!!


Do these things and you will make everyone around you nuts! Dr. William Glasser believes that most of the emotional turmoil we experience is directly caused by our use of these seven deadly habits. We seem to have our wiring crossed. We spend half our lives trying to control the people and the institutions which fill our lives and it is sick! As we try harder to control those around us they quite naturally become resistant and resentful and soon our relationships are broken and disappointing. Although Glasser's theory (Choice Theory) seems quite simple it has worked well in therapy with thousands of people. Diagnosis and labelling (DSM-IV) are seen as damaging hostile tools that only hurt our relationships further. Instead Glasser says we simply need to replace the seven deadly habits with the seven habits of truly caring people.

Supporting, Encouraging, Listening, Accepting, Trusting, Respecting and Negotiating Differences!!!


If you work and live with these habits most of your problems will disappear. Try googleing the Glasser Institute to find out more.  TJS

Negativity

We often wonder what to do about negativity or certain troubling emotions. In the spaciousness of meditation, you can view your thoughts and emotions with a totally unbiased attitude. When your attitude changes, then the whole atmosphere of your mind changes, even the very nature of your thoughts and emotions. When you become more agreeable, then they do; if you have no difficulty with them, they will have no difficulty with you either.     -Rigpa Quote of the Day

Working With Emotions

Many people who come to see me are 'fighting' with their emotions. Often some feelings are labelled as bad and others as preferred. This is the approach many North Americans have toward emotions; that they should be managed or 'worked through.' Nothing could be further from the truth. All of our emotions and feelings have value. What we feel can make us fully alive and bring us closer to the healing we long for. TJS


"It's very helpful to realize that the emotions we have, the negativity and the positivity, are exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive." ---Pema Chodron

Where's your doorknob???

It's easy to let the world control how we feel. Sometimes we think others can fill our emotional needs, that family can make us worthwhile or that friends are the key to happiness. The trick is where your emotional doorknob is...IF your doorknob is on the outside others can open it when they want to, walk inside and stir up all sorts of emotions. You become trapped in a roller coaster ride of low self esteem and despair. BUT if your emotional doorknob is on the inside you control who gets in.

I had a client once who said 'the check out girl at Walmart ruined my day...I was a mess for hours.' Now that's having your doorknob on the outside. If we build healthy self esteem we allow people in and choose how we feel or respond to the situations that life offers. Then friends, family and complete strangers can enter our lives when we choose to open the door.

Keep track each day of who is controlling your emotions. Slow down, meditate twenty minutes every day and breathe from your belly. Remember that you are a wonderful creation with much to offer this world. Just keep your emotional doorknob inside where you understand how you feel and want to connect with the world.

Peace
Todd