Letting Go

Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite: that letting go is the path to real freedom.

Just as when the waves lash at the shore, the rocks suffer no damage but are sculpted and eroded into beautiful shapes, so our characters can be molded and our rough edges worn smooth by changes. Through weathering changes, we can learn how to develop a gentle but unshakable composure. Our confidence in ourselves grows, and becomes so much greater that goodness and compassion begin naturally to radiate out from us and bring joy to others.


That goodness is what survives death, a fundamental goodness that is in each and every one of us. The whole of our life is a teaching of how to uncover that strong goodness, and a training toward realizing it.  -Rigpa Quote of the Day

The Power of Relationship

I am often asked by students, "how can I treat or change this client?"  The answer is you can't.   You need to build a relationship that encourages the patient to see growth within.  To discover through the relationship that there are possibilities for positive change.  TJS

"In my early professionals years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?"    (Carl Rogers,  On Becoming a Person, 1961)

Living Compassion

We may say, and even half-believe, that compassion is marvelous, but in practice our actions are deeply uncompassionate and bring us and others mostly frustration and distress, and not the happiness we are all seeking.

Isn’t it absurd that we all long for happiness, yet nearly all our actions and feelings lead us directly away from that happiness?

What do we imagine will make us happy? A canny, self-seeking, resourceful selfishness, the selfish protection of ego, which can as we all know, make us at moments extremely brutal. But in fact the complete reverse is true: Self-grasping and self-cherishing are seen, when you really look at them, to be the root of all harm to others, and also of all harm to ourselves. -Rigpa Quote of the Day

Where's your doorknob???

It's easy to let the world control how we feel. Sometimes we think others can fill our emotional needs, that family can make us worthwhile or that friends are the key to happiness. The trick is where your emotional doorknob is...IF your doorknob is on the outside others can open it when they want to, walk inside and stir up all sorts of emotions. You become trapped in a roller coaster ride of low self esteem and despair. BUT if your emotional doorknob is on the inside you control who gets in.

I had a client once who said 'the check out girl at Walmart ruined my day...I was a mess for hours.' Now that's having your doorknob on the outside. If we build healthy self esteem we allow people in and choose how we feel or respond to the situations that life offers. Then friends, family and complete strangers can enter our lives when we choose to open the door.

Keep track each day of who is controlling your emotions. Slow down, meditate twenty minutes every day and breathe from your belly. Remember that you are a wonderful creation with much to offer this world. Just keep your emotional doorknob inside where you understand how you feel and want to connect with the world.

Peace
Todd

Who are your teachers?

As you continue to meditate on compassion, when you see someone suffer, your first response becomes not mere pity but deep compassion. You feel for that person respect and even gratitude, because you now know that whoever prompts you to develop compassion by his or her suffering is in fact giving you one of the greatest gifts of all, as you are being helped to develop that very quality you need most in your progress toward enlightenment.

That is why we say in Tibet that the beggar who is asking you for money, or the sick, old woman wringing your heart, may be the buddhas in disguise, manifesting on your path to help you grow in compassion and so move toward buddahood. ---Rigpa Quote of the Day

Our Actions

Although the results of our actions may not have matured yet, they will inevitably ripen, given the right conditions. Usually we forget what we do, and it is only long afterward that the results catch up with us. By then we are unable to connect them with their causes. “Imagine an eagle,” says Jikmé Lingpa.” It is flying, high in the sky. It casts no shadow. Nothing shows that it is there. Then suddenly it spies its prey, dives, and swoops to the ground. And as it drops, its menacing shadow appears.”

What really matters

In Tibetan, the word for “body” is lü, which means “something you leave behind,” like baggage. Each time we say lü, it reminds us that we are only travelers, taking temporary refuge in this life and this body. In Tibet, people did not distract themselves by spending all their time trying to make their external circumstances more comfortable. They were satisfied if they had enough to eat, clothes on their backs, and a roof over their heads.

Going on, as we do, obsessively trying to improve our conditions, can become an end in itself, and a pointless distraction. Would people in their right mind think of fastidiously redecorating their hotel room every time they checked in to one?
---Rigpa Quote of the Day

Change is possible!

I often work with youth who are 'badly damaged.' Their life stories have been filled with physical, sexual and emotional abuse. In response they protect themselves with drugs, alcohol, sex and violence. They do their best to survive. But this is not what they need. They must learn that negative action has one good quality: it can be changed. So there is always hope. Even addicts and the most hardened criminals can change and overcome the conditioning that led them to their behavior. Our present condition, if we use it skillfully and with insight, can be an inspiration to free ourselves from the bondage of suffering. Change is possible if we understand our condition and see how much more we can become. -TJS

Campfires and dogs

Last night we sat around the fire pit and meandered through wonderful conversations. Two friends of mine who work in the area of therapy enjoyed a cool drink and great food, but the heart of the evening was the chatter. We talked about our sorrows, joys and expectations for life. We talked about the journey that brought us to that night around the fire and how the days seem to gently drift away like the smoke rising toward the stars. Well, three therapists sharing a drink always come to the point in the night where we talk about the meaning of life. What does it mean to be happy? We didn't come up with THE answer but we laughed and shared ideas. The one point we shared in common was that it had something to do with what the Buddhists believe is the practice of the NOW. After all, now is all you have. To drink deeply and passionately of the moments we share with friends, family and even our dogs. My dogs don't always make me happy but they know about NOW. They have an amazing ability to love the moment, wag their tails and lick your feet. Yes, lick your feet! Some people love it and some people hate it. So last night when the dogs lay near the fire, my friends sat close and we laughed together it was just then.....in that very moment that I realized how lucky I was.

Truth

Rather than love, than money,than fame, give me truth. I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, an obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not; and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board. The hospitality was as cold as the ices.

-Henry David Thoreau, Walden

How to build a relationship?

It ain't easy so don't take it for granted. First, you must be growing personally. This means taking care of your physical health; walking, jogging, yoga, swimming, biking, dancing at LEAST four times a week for forty minutes. Second is your mental health; READ one book each month, subscribe to a magazine that promotes positive thinking, take a class and go to lectures or poetry readings frequently. Third is your spiritual health; meditate, slow down and sit alone in a quiet place four times a week, pray, journal and consider that you are connected with the entire world. Once you have TAKEN CARE OF YOURSELF you will be able to care for another without greed, selfishness or lust. Loving is passionate but it comes from a solid foundation that is able to give with good health. TJS