My Brother and Mother's Death's

I wrote this last Christmas and had some requests to re post

 so here it is.  Peace and goodness to all.

Life

It’s Saturday night after a week of listening to stories in therapy and reflecting on who I am as a therapist. We carry our experience with us and it contributes to how we interact with each other. Often the stories I hear are painful ones. Many times people find it hard to let go. I find it hard to let go. It’s been nearly five years since I watched my brother die at 49. Held his hand as he took his last breath. Then four months later my mom died. Died, I guess, of a broken heart. She shut down and went away.

It doesn't mean I know what you feel. It doesn't mean that I understand. Instead it informs my ‘Toddness,’ my sense of ‘I am’. Their deaths as painful as they were became a part of the tapestry which is me. And in that me I can be happy. Happy that they are a part of the fabric of my life. So when I listen I do not know what you feel, but all of me which is colorfully made listens with a careful ear.   Peace. Todd

Grasping...

Grasping is the source of all our problems. Since impermanence to us spells anguish, we grasp on to things desperately, even though all things change. We are terrified of letting go, terrified, in fact, of living at all, since learning to live is learning to let go. And this is the tragedy and the irony of our struggle to hold on: Not only is it impossible, but it brings us the very pain we are seeking to avoid.

The intention behind grasping may not in itself be bad; there’s nothing wrong with the desire to be happy, but what we try to grasp on to is by nature ungraspable.

The Tibetans say that you cannot wash the same dirty hand twice in the same running river, and “no matter how much you squeeze a handful of sand, you will never get oil out of it.”   ---Rigpa

The Best Years...

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don't blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the President. You realize that you control your own destiny.

Albert Ellis

How we live...

Loss and bereavement can remind you sharply of what can happen when in life you do not show your love and appreciation, or ask for forgiveness, and so make you far more sensitive to your loved ones.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said: ‘What I try to teach people is to live in such a way that you say those things while the other person can still hear it.” And Raymond Moody, after his life’s work in near-death research, wrote: “I have begun to realize how near to death we all are in our daily lives. More than ever now I am very careful to let each person I love know how I feel.”

Life Is Like A Cup of Coffee - Inspirational Video Movie

Meaning

It's an old clip from a great thinker and I needed inspiration.  You see when we let the world around us begin to control our thoughts and influence our feelings we get sick.  I got sick.  I let the hurt and anger around me change my focus.  When we do that we lose our sense of meaning and our bodies break down.  I am resting now and am inspired by the wise sage Frankl.  I hope you are as well.  Peace.  TJS

If I Can Stop

IF I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

Who is in control of your life?

Often clients tell me that what they experience has changed who they are. This is not true. Rather it is how we interpret our experiences that informs who we become. Life is meant to be enjoyed and can be if we claim our experience and choose what it means. TJS

"Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations."
Alfred Adler

“I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…” ---Dalai Lama

Circumstances

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.

George Bernard Shaw, "Mrs. Warren's Profession" (1893) act II

Someone

We take it for granted. The miracle of human interaction. The times when we are with someone and enjoying the sunshine. The opportunities we have to talk and share our stories with those around us. The human miracle! Times spent walking, working or exploring the world. The people around us are the miracles that can make life worthwhile. Enjoy those you work with, savour the relatives who stay in touch and celebrate the times you have spent with friends. Sometimes we focus way too much on the bad stuff. Life is good and miracles are all around us!!! TJS

Dead Bodies

I hate people who abuse power, who flaunt authority to hinder progress. Those ugly people who work for harm or belittlement, who take joy in others failures. I despise those who are dishonest for gain or plan the downfall of others. And tonight more than ever I hate dead bodies and those who cause them. Halloween in Saskatchewan brought two murders. A dead body with a grieving family and friends. I happen to be on a clinical contract in the same place as one of them. A few hundred yards away a drunken something caused knives to rip and gash. A dead body. A spirit, a friend, a son, a lover, a young man; gone because all of us forget what really matters. To live and love. To be kind and gentle and to watch for each others dignity and to give when we do not want to. I rode my bike past the scene. The crisp wind sent a shiver down my back. I couldn't stop the tears. Two lives; one dead and one in jail. What a fucking waste. TJS

Thankful

There isn't anything like it. The wonders of the north. Isolated lakes and forrest surroundings marked with outcrops of rock and sand. The skiffs (flat bottom boats of wood with a rising nose) meet speed and skim across the water. Cool breeze causing even the well dressed to shiver. It was on such a day in the far north of Saskatchewan that two friends took the psychologist fishing. It is a place where human quiet meets nature; the call of a baby eagle, the splash of nearby fish, and the rush of the rapids. It was the most sacred of moments. The ones we often take for granted. But today I am thankful. Thankful for laughter, warm drink, gentle breeze, fresh fish caught and ate, and the miracle of nature that reminds us that we are finite beings in a marvelous world.